lately…
So much more teaching than usual lately, which has consequently led to so much less writing than usual lately. But I promised a blog post today, so here it is, albeit a little late and perhaps a little incoherent.
I’ve been feeling really blessed over the past month or so; it seems like so many things that I had wanted for so long - more classes, more abundance, more love - have all started to fall into place for me, and it’s almost overwhelming how happy I am. Even just a year ago I never would have expected myself to be in this place; a year ago I was still seeking my own voice as a teacher, holding on to negative beliefs and toxic relationships that weren’t serving my growth, and failing to be grateful for all the little ways in which the Universe conspires to make every day worth smiling about. I don’t know whether or not the difference lies in the fact that suddenly these things have appeared before me, or that I’ve simply opened my eyes to all of the blessings. But the scariest part of being ridiculously happy is that there’s always the chance of it slipping away. There is the fear that you are not worthy of so much joy and abundance, that it’s all too good to be true. And every once in a while, there’s a small, whispered voice that enters your head that causes you to wonder what the heck gives you the right to be so happy when there are other people in the world who feel so sad. Here’s the thing, though - happiness multiplies. When you are really, truly happy, your joy is infectious. Your radiance can make other people believe that they too could experience so much bliss. I see it all the time in yoga - friends will ask what it is that’s causing you to look so fantastic, because they can sense the shift. And this ridiculous, overflowing, wake-up-and-go-to-bed-smiling kind of happiness is our birthright. Each and every single one of us, we absolutely deserve to feel great, and the fact that we don’t all feel this way is the real problem.
I was flipping back through some of my old journal entries the other day and I was amazed by how negative I was coming across: for the most part, writing only about how lonely I felt, how sad or discouraged. For the longest time, I was sabotaging my own happiness by letting myself believe all these negative ideas about who I was and what I deserved in life. I had myself convinced that I was unlovable, that I was completely incapable of having positive relationships, that I was a terrible yoga teacher, and so on and so forth. So I kept showing up in ways that were only perpetuating these dysfunctional beliefs. But recently there’s been a real shift in my writing and in my consciousness; a shift from focusing on what it is that is lacking to what it is that is present, and really making the effort to open up to possibility. That’s not to say that it cannot be or is not at all worthwhile to write down your struggles and disappointments, but I’ve recently come to realize that we can frame our lives in such a way that supports our growth rather than detracts from it. And when we start to really commit ourselves to the idea that we can and absolutely do deserve to be happy, we start to find ways to make things happen for us. It’s time to start feeling into the greatness that your life is destined to be. Be courageous. Be bold. Commit yourself to bliss.
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